By Vee Floros, CMHC Intern

 A study on exercise and self-esteem by Sonstroem and Morgan (1989) found that “The idea of personal competence, or feelings of capability to master and control oneself and aspects of the environment, is concluded to be an essential dimension of self-esteem” (p. 330). For me, an activity that instills competence as well as a feeling of peace with my environment is hiking.

Trail magic transformed my understanding of my own competence, mental and physical strength, and resiliency

I discovered the empowerment of hiking the summer between my junior and senior year of high school when, with no previous experience I signed up for a summer camp program to hike the 100-Mile-Wilderness section of the Appalachian Trail from Monson, ME to the trail’s terminus at Mount Katahdin.

Those two weeks full of sweat, tears, and trail magic transformed my understanding of my own competence, mental and physical strength, and resiliency. This pivotal experience has shaped many of my decisions, including opting to spend the summer before college on a 28-day wilderness expedition with the Appalachian Mountain Club, majoring in Adventure Education in college, completing 3 internships with the Student Conservation Association, and becoming a Ranger for the National Park Service.

Dreaming of the Trail

The demands of graduate school over the past 3 years has meant that I spend a lot more time indoors, and travel less. I have still gotten out hiking but feel that sometimes I forget how powerful of a reset and boost it can be for me. It is back on my radar now, as I have a new hiking buddy with 4 long legs and a lot of energy to burn. 

I discovered the empowerment of hiking the summer between my junior and senior year of high school when, with no previous experience I signed up for a summer camp program to hike the 100-Mile-Wilderness section of the Appalachian Trail from Monson, ME to the trail’s terminus at Mount Katahdin.

Those two weeks full of sweat, tears, and trail magic transformed my understanding of my own competence, mental and physical strength, and resiliency. This pivotal experience has shaped many of my decisions, including opting to spend the summer before college on a 28-day wilderness expedition with the Appalachian Mountain Club, majoring in Adventure Education in college, completing 3 internships with the Student Conservation Association, and becoming a Ranger for the National Park Service.

Dreaming of the Trail

The demands of graduate school over the past 3 years has meant that I spend a lot more time indoors, and travel less. I have still gotten out hiking but feel that sometimes I forget how powerful of a reset and boost it can be for me. It is back on my radar now, as I have a new hiking buddy with 4 long legs and a lot of energy to burn. 

As the weather gets warmer and graduation approaches, I find myself daydreaming of spending weekends hiking in the Uinta’s unplugged from technology, wading in alpine lakes, eating snacks from Trader Joes, and reconnecting with what makes me feel strong, alive, and grateful.

Some Places to Consider

Are you interested in hiking? Here are some of my go to (dog friendly) hikes all within a short drive from Red Willow:

Avenues Twin Peaks
Emigration Canyon Miners Trail
Millcreek Canyon (multiple trails within the canyon)
Wild Rose Trail
Bonneville Shoreline Trail (multiple trailheads)
The Living Room Trail
Neffs Canyon Trail

*Make sure to research before you go to find a hike that fits your needs including accessibility, difficulty, parking, and fees. If you are new to hiking also make sure to research tips on how to prepare including proper footwear, layering, maps, gear, first aid, food, and water.

Sonstroem, R. J., & Morgan, W. P. (1989). Exercise and self-esteem: Rationale and model. Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, 21(3), 329–337. https://doi.org/10.1249/00005768-198906000-0001

By Scott Marshall, CMHC Intern

“Look, I’ve got problems, no doubt – it’s just whenever  I decide to get some help I end up spending 3 hours  on Psychology Today until I just fall asleep. Then sometimes I decide I need therapy but then the next week I’m no longer sure. I swear, finding a therapist is almost as hard as dealing with my problem in the first place…”

If you can relate to this, you’re not alone.

I’m no expert researcher, but my experience has shown me that finding a therapist can be pretty challenging itself – on top of whatever challenge has you looking in the first place!

The Journey Before the Journey

One forgotten, underappreciated aspect of going to therapy is the initial decision just to reach out and try to get some help – It takes a commitment to go searching.

Often there’s a triggering event that prompts the decision; maybe it’s a super painful moment in your relationship, a new life event that absolutely rocks your world, or a particularly bad episode of anxiety or depression that convinces you, “I need to find a therapist”.

Once that happens, it can feel monumental enough that it feels like that should be enough! The next steps should be easy, right? Universe? Hello? Ok, I accepted that I want some help on this… now what?

Enter the Therapy-Verse : Welcome to the Jungle

So you get online, and here every therapist is talking about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, Trauma-Informed, Existential, Eclectic, etc. Even if you have a clear cut “problem” like substance abuse, relationship struggles, sexual issues, or something else, each of these worlds have their own vocabulary. 

All the degrees become a blur, and you can’t really find reviews online because leaving therapy reviews is questionable in terms of confidentiality, and asking for reviews would definitely be unethical.  No big deal – just need to make a huge decision blind, right? You could always reach out to friends and family for recommendations, but hey, “if I felt great talking to friends and family about this stuff, I probably wouldn’t need a therapist,” right?

Embrace the suck…

So you’re on your own, sorting through potentially hundreds of profiles, trying to decide who you’re going to come spill your darkest secrets to based on an old headshot photo from 5 years ago and a paragraph or two of cheeky “life is hard, we can help” bios. Oof.

This is the point of the article where I’m supposed to have an elegant solution that finally makes it easy, where I can happily explain that these problems are all in the past. Unfortunately, I don’t
have that solution.

What I can say is it’s worth it.

You might have to get creative – you might have to try a few intake sessions or informal phone calls first to find a fit. And yes, you might have to face the reality that you’ll need to advocate for yourself and potentially try on a few not-perfect fits before you find a therapist that really fits. You may have to show up to a few intake appointments and then not continue, or you may have to “get weird” and ask to know more about your therapist’s background and treatment philosophy. Or even worse – you may have to be open about what’s working and isn’t working for you, something that might feel as scary right now as the main challenge you’re dealing with.

Good therapy is kind of like a great pair of jeans—get it right and you’ll be amazed at the new lease on life and confidence they can give you; get it wrong, and you’re uncomfortable every time, overly self-conscious, and noticing it a lot. While many people tend to like jeans shopping a lot more than they like shopping for a therapist, the efforts can really pay off.

In my experience, people who’ve thought about therapy and reached out for help have two kinds of experiences:

1. They find good help, and look back a year or two later (or a month or two) in awe at how different their life has become (for the better), or

2. They don’t find good help, their problem is still right there in front of them, and they’re more frustrated than ever.

If you’re in camp #2, I encourage you to stay the course. That might look like changing directions, but if you stay committed to the idea that your mental health and your future are worth it, there are some amazing things that can happen for you.

For Those Who Really Need a Plan

If you’re really a stickler for getting clarity before you just jump into the process, I’ve found it useful to write out my story onto one page. Try writing out just what you feel like is going on for you and why you think you’d like some help. Give it a try and get a rough draft done, then let it sit a day or two and go back and edit it until it makes sense to you and feels clear. As you go through the process of writing, you might find some additional clarity and resolve about moving forward. Plus, it’ll give you something to go on when you walk in the door.

I wish our therapy world was better at inviting courageous clients in, and that we could make it easier. In the meantime, if you think you could use some help, may I encourage you – don’t wait! Adjust your expectations that things might not be an instant success, but hold out hope that if you stay the course, you’ll be advocating for yourself and opening the door to a future you’ll be glad you fought for.
Much like therapy itself, the process might not always be our favorite, but the rewards can be
life-changing.

By Cara Duchene

Unprecedented Circumstances

COVID-19, social distancing, lockdowns, work changes, and the loss of our typical day to day structure and support has taken a toll on everyone. As we work to manage our grief and anxiety about these changes and losses, we are often still expected to function at the same level professionally and personally that we did prior to these new, significant stressors. Perhaps it was already a struggle to manage your responsibilities and wellbeing even before the difficulties that 2020 has brought. The pressure to be productive and to put on a brave face is intense. 

 In these moments, it can be easy to be especially hard on ourselves for not functioning at the same level that we are used to. Perhaps you’re disheartened because it seems like you have more time at home, yet you aren’t able to meet your goals.  Maybe you’re struggling to complete work or school assignments, or you haven’t engaged with hobbies or friends as much as you’d like.

While we might not be able to control the difficulty of the current moment, one thing we can do is show ourselves self-compassion. We practice self-compassion not to feel better, but because we feel bad. Like a parent who cares for their child who is sick, even if their care won’t cure the illness, we can care for ourselves when we feel overwhelmed and are hurting.

Three Core Elements of Self-Compassion

Expert self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff describes three core elements of self-compassion and how to put them into practice in her workbook The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. Understanding and putting these elements into practice can help us to feel validated in our hurt and are part of the process of self-soothing when we are stressed, whether those hurts feel small or great. These core elements are self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self-Kindness

Self-kindness means speaking to and about ourselves kindly, which is easier said than done. Have you ever noticed that you speak harshly to yourself, but are willing to provide love, support, and encouragement to others, even in similar circumstances? Self-kindness means speaking to ourselves from a place of love and compassion rather than one of anger and fear. “Instead of attacking and berating ourselves for being inadequate,” Neff says, “we offer ourselves warmth and unconditional acceptance.”

“I know you are disappointed that you haven’t accomplished what you wanted today. That’s alright, I know I tried hard and it’s understandable because things are really hard for me right now.” 

Common Humanity

In moments when we struggle, we often feel alone in our struggle. Even if we know that everyone is having a tough time during the pandemic, we usually still find a way to tell ourselves that we’re handling it worse than everyone else. Luckily, self-compassion doesn’t require

comparing functioning, but only acknowledging a shared experience of suffering—grief, anger, fear, anxiety, loss, as well as guilt, embarrassment, shame, and disappointment. These are natural and normal parts of the human experience. 

“I can’t expect to get everything done that I plan to every day, especially right now. We all fall short of our expectations and plans sometimes, and we all experience the fear of what might happen if we don’t accomplish what we set out to do.” 

Mindfulness

Mindfulness might seem like an odd element to include with self-compassion, but it is potentially the most important factor in the equation. In order to show compassion towards ourselves, it’s crucial that we take time to listen to our bodies and minds, and notice the difficult physiological sensations, emotions, and thoughts that we experience. As we notice them, rather than ignore or avoid them, we are able to validate that they are real and that they are difficult, uncomfortable, and painful. Mindfulness includes not only noticing our sensations, but also noticing them in the present moment without making interpretations about what those sensations mean and how long they will last. 

“I’m feeling tightness in my chest, pressure behind my eyes, and am having thoughts that I’ve let my family, friends, and co-workers down today. I’m feeling sad, anxious, and embarrassed. These feelings won’t last forever, and I can acknowledge that it’s difficult and scary to be feeling this way.” 

You Can Do This

It might feel difficult to shift your thinking in this way, and that’s ok too. This presents another great opportunity to show compassion for yourself—learning to care for ourselves and self-soothe is difficult, especially if we haven’t had a model for how to speak to ourselves kindly by others in our lives.
As best as you can, try and notice and catch yourself when you start to berate or attack yourself, or when you attempt to ignore or minimize the difficulties that you’re facing right now. It’s normal to be hurting right now, and you deserve care, love, and compassion in the face of that pain, even and especially from yourself.