Although Salt Lake City has a lot of spaces that are genuinely queer-friendly, the possibility of finding yourself somewhere unsafe (emotionally or physically) is high enough that you may hesitate to do everything you want to. As a pansexual, polyamorous, ex-Mormon in Utah, finding people (including therapists) who understand me has been very hit or miss.
I have had people tell me that my mental health issues are a result of me “choosing” these identities. I recently had someone tell me that queer folks are doomed to be risk-taking addicts. We are all familiar with the microaggressions and ignorance around us, but how can we know if a place will be likely to hurt us or welcome us with open arms?
LGBTQ+ And Queer Mental Health Resources From Red Willow
Beyond the pride flags in our windows, Red Willow therapists of varying genders and sexual orientations work hard to ensure that our clients are seen as complex human beings, not stereotypes. You should not have to educate your therapist about queer issues, and you definitely should not feel judged for any aspect of who you are. Therapy is about feeling safe enough to work through difficult things with someone who can guide and hold that experience with you.
A few of my favorite treatment modalities to use with my queer clients (and in my own therapy sessions as a queer client) include CBT, DBT, and EMDR.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help people see the relationships between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Once you have more awareness of each of those, you can practice challenging those thoughts and see how it affects the rest of the chain.
For example:
Thoughts: “I don’t belong anywhere.”
Emotions: Loneliness, shame, anger, sadness
Behaviors: Socially isolate, mask my true self, walk on eggshells
With some cognitive flexibility, we can find cognitions that are more helpful, such as, “I can make meaningful connections with people.” This thought might help us feel more hopeful and confident, which helps us be more socially active, authentic, and open.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) helps folks learn skills for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. Several of my queer clients were told from a young age that they were “too sensitive” or “overly emotional.” After years of repressing emotions that were frowned upon, DBT helps clients start to better understand and trust their emotions and also to create healthier relationship patterns.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) helps clients recognize how memories have influenced their beliefs about themselves and the world around them. Most of my clients grew up in a culture that taught that heterosexuality, monogamy, and the binary view of genders are “normal.” As a result, even as tiny kids, we queer folks had countless moments teaching us that we are “abnormal,” which can lead to feeling like we are unloveable, flawed, and alone.
I want you to know that you ARE loveable. We are all flawed, but not because of our sexual and gender identities. You are not alone. You are beautiful, and you are welcome at Red Willow.
By: Renee Fisher
