When a parent or guardian suffers from substance abuse or other addiction, it can bring up a lot of unsettling emotions. Children may feel financial and emotional responsibility for the parent or other siblings when their parent is unavailable. Dealing with parental addiction is never something a child should handle alone. Children, teens, and even young adults should develop coping skills that help them remain emotionally stable during addiction.
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Find Another Supportive Adult
Young children should never have to navigate the world without a parent, but when someone struggles with alcohol or drugs, they can be distant, even though physically present. School-age children or teens can benefit from the help of another adult who understands their situation of parental addiction. If your parent or guardian is struggling to get help, it can be helpful to talk with a teacher, a church leader, a family friend, or a parent of a friend. A supportive adult will be able to help check on you and may even help your parent get further professional help.
Find Supportive Friends Or Peers
Talking to an adult can feel scary, especially when a child is in their teen years. Having a supportive group of friends at school, an extracurricular activity like sports or a chess club, can help teens navigate complex emotions. Feeling included is necessary for all children, but especially those with one absent parent. Joining a club or after-school activity can also help keep children away when parents may be angry or actively using. This helps make the separation of parent and addict much easier as an adult.
Journal About Your Feelings
When no one is available to talk to, it can be helpful to write down how you are feeling about parental addiction. Journaling can be a healthy way to let out frustrations, keep track of ideas, and write down reminders. Journaling is a great skill to learn while children are young because it can be used into adulthood. Writing down thoughts is an easy way to avoid outbursts and taking out your frustrations on others. A child could also use a journal to help communicate with adults more effectively. Some emotions or situations may feel scary to communicate out loud, so writing an encounter on paper might be more approachable.
Talk To Your Parent Or Guardian About Getting Help
When a child or teen communicates their frustrations to their parents, it could push them to get the help required for addiction. Parental addiction is a complex thing that often causes stress on a spouse, child, and the user. When children are being negatively affected by parental addiction, speaking with the parent about how it impacts their daily life can be a dose of reality.
Approach the situation with confidence and remain calm. Tell your parent how their drinking, substance abuse, or unavailability impacts your daily life. If another parent is around, ask them to assist you so you can clearly tell your addicted parent how you feel. Use statements like “I feel” or “I struggle when” instead of placing blame on your parent. If possible, it may help to have your therapist as a mediator or another adult to guide you through the conversation.
Separate Your Parent From The Addiction
As time passes, or if a parent doesn’t seek help for their addiction, the hurt they may cause could damage the relationship with their children. In order to cope with a parent having an addiction, adult children will need to work to separate the parent from the addiction. This means looking at their parent as a person, with feelings, flaws, and good intentions, rather than an addict. Looking at the good your parent did or just acknowledging that they got in too deep can help you see them as a person with struggles, rather than just a bad mom/dad.
This is not an easy process and will require self-reflection and possibly therapy. Addiction is not something that you overcome in one day, and it is not the child’s fault. Realizing the addictive nature of substances and the stresses of life can help you have more sympathy for an addicted parent. This does not mean making excuses or forgetting the hurt you may have experienced.
Resources For Helping A Young Child With An Addicted Parent
As a teacher, therapist, church leader, healthcare provider, or family friend, you can play a role in helping a child when a parent suffers from addiction. While you can offer support without getting involved, there are some indicators when you should step in to protect the child.
There are many resources available on how to discuss addiction with young children, how to report abuse or neglect, or how to work with sensitive subject matter without a formal education. The biggest thing to remember when helping children with parental addiction is to remind them that it is not their fault. Some resources include:
- Children Impacted by Addiction: A Toolkit For Educators
- American Addiction Centers articles and physical locations
- National Association for Children of Addiction training and programs
- Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: A Resource Guide
- Sesame Workshop videos, courses, and webinars
Addiction Recovery From Red Willow
Red Willow Counseling and Recovery offers counseling and group sessions for those who struggle with addiction and substance abuse. Our team is here to help you navigate complex emotions and improve your life going forward. No matter what you struggle with, our counselors and specialists can help bring more light to your life. Reach out to us to schedule a consultation or appointment today.
